This is from an old Blog

The Original date to this post is March 20th 2009


I wish i had an interesting life, i really do. i am not saying this because i am bored at the moment... to tell the truth i am feeling nothing. i am not upset or annoyed so i dunno why i feel the way i do right now. i feel like i am at complete standstill and absolutely nothing is happening, but at the moment a lot is happening.

I wish i can control every single aspect of my life.
I wish that everything went as planned.
I wish for life to be more spontaneous in a good way.

But for now the only thing i ever want to do is sit at home and watch random videos that fit with my mood. My body doesn't want to do anything, and when i get the spark to do something.. it never happens.
But to tell the truth i love sitting at home, laying in bed from time to time just relaxing, savoring a quiet moment and just talking about the past and the future... but i have no one that wants to just lay there and do so.. even though i have the right person to do that with.

I am very much so in love.
I am always confused.
I am always scared.

I am not depressed.
I am not sad.
I am not lonely.

I just feel emotionless at the moment, for once i have friends that i feel i can trust. I have known for years and not once have done anything wrong or hurtful to me, but actually seem like they want me around. I'm glad i came out of my box and sat at their table :)

I think i am to young for my current want. Sometimes i think my mother shouldn't of let me move out. But i love every minute of being away from my mother and being able to be independent. My mother is not a bad mother, but she also isn't the greatest but she raised me to what i am and i am grateful.

Currently my body over heats quickly and i feel as if i should just walk around naked at all times.
I have noticed my eye site is getting worse, i don't recognize people from across the room i have to go by voice.


Brittany, Thank you for being there for me.
you seem like the only person that i can fully trust with everything. you and me are so much alike its scary, and i know we are trapped in our own boxes and trust so few, We have maybe 3 people we talk about everything with and that consists on our significant other and our mothers. And every time we talk about something that might be bothering me you say something like "their loss" and for some reason it makes me feel special don't ask why i dont even know ^.^

It's late almost 4am


Goodnight.